sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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