please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
