i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
