dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
