I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i came on her dog
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
