This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
we're so committed to being not committed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
