Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
