When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
only you would photoshop your dick
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
