Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
