Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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