It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
