Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize