i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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