I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
