I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize