The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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