You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
