youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize