I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
