better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You ruined the universe
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
