We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My liver is preforming stress tests.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize