you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
