My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
