Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize