You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
