She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
