please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
