He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
