i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
