True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
