I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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