My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
