she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
