I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
