my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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