I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
