You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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