Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
