I just made out with a guy for $7.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize