i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
