I have demons in me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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