i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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