If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
