Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
