all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize