Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
