I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
