You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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