Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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