Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
