You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
