trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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