I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
