well I can't set my house on fire every night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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