She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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