dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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