he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
