I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize