direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
