watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
