NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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