just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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