what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
