I don't think brook has ever known best
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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