So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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