Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
