So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
