i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
