carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
