Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
