Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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