Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
