The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
