I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
