she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
