The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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