this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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