My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize