If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had sex on a roof
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
