It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
