"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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