There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Randomize
