woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
