Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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