i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
