thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
