Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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