I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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