so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
