His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
