no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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