so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
