I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
