i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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