my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
