I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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