Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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