I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
