Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
