Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize