You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
