I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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