How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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