you guys were way drunker than both of me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
