Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
