I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
